The Spovangelist

Premise #1: There has been an enormous amount of thought dedicated to shaping Spokane as an outdoor sports and recreation hub. Proposals to extend the Centennial Trail and create a world-class kayaking park are just a few of the big plans for branding the Inland Northwest in this way. This vision is often articulated by Mr. Jon Snyder, Editor of Out There Monthly, and many others whom I whole heartedly support.

Premise #2: Spokane has an abundance of boring, windowless building surfaces. We should strive to eliminate them.

What can be done while waiting for the rest of the kayak park funds to materialize? What could be cast as a small but sexy victory for outdoor culture in Spokane THIS SUMMER?

How about transforming the blank white vertical surface of the Parkade Tower into an urban climbing wall.

Currently there is a beautiful little brick courtyard area sandwiched in between Rite Aid and the new Santorini’s Greek restaurant. This interstitial space often feels empty, with only a lonely breeze blowing through. Businesses in this cafe location have historically had a hard time making it, with the delicious Meritage Bistro closing its doors last fall.

If Wild Walls contracted with the Parkade to retrofit the tower column with internally reinforced climbing holds, people would be packing out the courtyard every afternoon. Wild Walls would quadruple their visibility, drawing more people into their summer class programs. The Parkade and surrounding businesses would greatly appreciate the boost, and Spokane could claim a quick victory for innovative progress in 2008.

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The results of a small and informal public survey conducted on the streets of Spokane are in: We are woefully ignorant of the amenities our city has to offer.

Excerpt from the Spovangelist Quiz to determine Social-Recreational-Civic IQ:

• Have you ever heard of KYRS Thin Air Community Radio, 92.3FM?
• Do you know what Magic Lantern Theater is? Ever been in there?
• When was the last time you went to an Eastern Washington State Park?
• Have you ever read a local blog? Do you remember its name?
• What was the last local social or political news issue that you followed?
• Have you ever been to the MAC? Do you know what that stands for?
• Can you name two art galleries downtown?
• Can you name two social assistance service centers?
• Ever been to a Farmer’s Market in Spokane?
• Have you ever participated in Bloomsday, Hoopfest, etc.?
• Do you know where the Centennial Trail is at?

The three most common reactions to the survey were:

1. “Gosh, I really should get out more often. How do you know all of this stuff?”
2. “I can’t believe I haven’t heard of these things before! I’ve been wanting and looking for [insert amenity here] but didn’t realize Spokane already had [amenity X]. That sounds really neat!”
3. “Why are you asking these questions? Do you work for the city?”

How to take a chunk out of this appalling lack of awareness? Why not sign up for a three day evening workshop designed to quickly and concisely hook people up with all the best Spokane has to offer!

The curriculum could be easily tailored to various demographic groups (seniors, new parents, young & single, etc.) and would include not just a series of Top 10 Lists, but would provide insider advice on the best ways to explore these new destinations and experiences. An innovative Power Point format could be augmented with guest presentations by experts in certain topic areas, and laced with interesting facts about Spokane that are fun to share at cocktail parties and family reunions.

This course would be of particular interest to newcomers in the area. Why take 5 years of piecemeal trial and error to eventually stumble across what you are looking for when you could take it from the experts and hit the ground running next weekend? Corporate employers could offer this course as a perk in their relocation packages. The workshop could be developed into a powerful local economic development tool, and could seek sponsorship from local groups of interest that are willing to provide incentives for students to pay them a visit. This is socially conscious intentional consumerism at its best.

When people say we need more richies from California to make our local businesses viable, maybe what we really should focus on is some good old fashioned public awareness to drum up vitality from within.

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Unsurprisingly, the well-meaning mobsters from NC failed to set the world record for largest water balloon fight Bloomsday Sunday. At around 3:15 a dwindling crowd of mostly high school students were already starting to dry off in the pre-summertime heat.

Spovangelist diagnoses this minor disappointment as a simple case of “Too Little Too Late”.

The organizers were uncertain of their commitment up until a few weeks before the big day. A lack of event planning and fund raising experience naturally made things more hectic, and the absence of a business sponsor and rejection from the Lilac Bloomsday Association pretty much sank the ship this year. But these kids are to be commended for their admirable effort, rumor has it they will try again in July.

How To Start A Flash Mob

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Apparently some recent North Central grads want to set a record for the world’s largest water balloon fight over Bloomsday Sunday.

The last time this happened was in Sydney, Australia in 2006. The event was sponsored by Xbox and involved 2,849 participants throwing ~55,000 balloons. Before that the record was held by a group in Spain.

Unfortunately our local boys weren’t able to win a business sponsorship, so they need your help with paying for supplies, filling balloons with water, and/or cleaning up after the battle. To get involved, send a quick message to: spokanerecordattempt2008 [at] live [dot] com.

On Sunday, May 4th from 2-4pm, there is going to be a free water balloon fight at the North Central High School Ryne Sandberg Baseball Field.

To break the record for Largest Water Balloon Fight and we need to have 3,000 people in attendance with approximately 55,000 water balloons.

We still need sponsors and volunteers! We are $300 dollars short on purchasing the remainder of the balloons, and we need volunteers to help fill and clean them up!

This is organized by four local guys who just want to see the community come together for a fun group event, so stop by and participate with your friends and family

How endearing; they even have their own SRA ‘08 Facebook group!

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As a native Spokanite I find it curious bumping into tourists downtown. The father of a well groomed family (probably from Montana) will walk over and ask “Can you please tell me where the Imax is at?” This prompts a thought experiment: What would it be like to vacation in Spokane?

Would it be . . . fun? How do we look to the outside world? Scrappy, serene, “nice”? Do we (as a population) even realize we are on display? I love how unselfconscious we are here, what you see is by-and-large what you get.

What would you think if Spokane Limousine painted their white limo fleet lilac in a spontaneous burst of civic pride?

Those glitzy rigs cruising around downtown seem a wee bit ostentatious and out of place at times. If they were lilac then at least we’d know they have a sense of humor, with a touch of local flair.

What does being the ‘Lilac City’ really imply? Creating a sense of place goes a lot deeper than a few coats of lavender paint, but could it be useful to somewhat look the part? When I visited Atlanta, GA last spring I noticed even their traffic signal boxes were colored peach. The cumulative scheme of their urban landscape gave one the feeling of experiencing a particular place. I don’t think we should waste a bunch of money “Disneylandizing” downtown, but I am curious to see what some effective “theming” might look like in Spokane. How would you describe our style?

What does it mean to be Spokane chic?

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Search “slip and slide” on YouTube and one thing becomes abundantly clear: kids of all ages can’t get enough of this silly summer fun. Boredom, young people and hot weather are the three key ingredients that spawn slip ‘n slides all across the country. I propose that we in Spokane build the world’s largest, cascading down one lane on Monroe St. where it climbs up into the South Hill.

First a local flooring company would take advantage of this publicity stunt of a lifetime by volunteering to roll a couple carpet pads down the hill. They could be used, donated, recalled, whatever. Then Firefighters or Parks or some other agency along with neighborhood volunteers would line the lane with sand bags to create a berm to keep people on track. Cabella’s or The General Store could pitch in some tarps, or maybe some used pool liners or rolls of industrial plastic would do the trick. Last, we’d pump water from the bottom to the top, creating a closed loop system that conserves the aquifer. There is a local pump company on Trent that could probably be talked into the task.

People would have to sign waivers before experiencing The Great Spokane Slide. Roll up plastic sleds or garbage bags would be provided to avoid friction directly on the skin. Depending on the physics of how the slide is constructed, there might be a couple of “bail out points” in the middle of the course for those who decide that one hump is quite enough.

The benefits to the city and community at large would be multi-fold. First Spokane would gain national media recognition for pulling off such a feat. We would demonstrate our community fitness and ability to work together on creative projects that no one thought were possible. People around the country would come to know Spokane as a place where neighbors have imagination, like to think big, and know how to have some good old-fashioned fun.

If The Slide were ever constructed, turn-out would be overwhelming. People from all over the region would drive in to Spokane to witness the spectacle , and pay to participate. What do you think, $5-$10 per slide? In addition to attracting outsiders, The Slide would retain the business of locals that too often disappear to “the lake” in the summer, making downtown feel empty and actionless. No longer would Spokane families have to drive to Idaho to get their yearly water park fix - the Downtown Spokane community would step up to the plate providing this affordable world-class entertainment.

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Do not get me wrong: I ABSOLUTELY LOVE SPOKANE.

Now that said, consider:

• Portland Population: ~568,380
• Spokane Population: ~202,900

If my math is correct, why is it that with only 2.8 times the density, Portland seems to have about ten times the young artists, independent designers, street theater, fashion boutiques, experimental gallery spaces, garage bands, music festivals, and conceptual media makers? . . . IT JUST ISN’T FAIR! We all know that birds of a feather flock together, but I see no reason for Spokane to leave itself out in the “creative class” cultural cold. Spokane has a lot of great stuff going on in a variety of semi-underground venues, but nothing collective yet has announced itself on the larger stage of city wide awareness.

So let’s do our own art/music extravaganza, Spokane style, on a Spokane scale!

*Disclaimer: I have not consulted any of the following individuals to date and their inclusion here does not represent their endorsement or participation in this project whatsoever. This is merely a fantasy composed of random people I happen to know and admire.

Basic Script: A one-night showing of all of Spokane’s young artists paired with a concert in a centrally located non-traditional warehouse space. Duh!

Stage: Interior of the W. 809 Building mega-garage, Downtown Spokane

Cast: Here is where things get interesting . . .

• Proprietor: Ron Wells
• Corporate & Institutional Sponsorship Coordinator: Michael Allen
• Spokane Art Commission Liaison: Karen Mobley
• Promotions: Brad & Sarah Greene and staff - The Purple Turtle
• T-shirt Printer: Pat Maguire or Greenburo

• Live Radio Broadcasting: KYRS Thin Air 92.3FM
• Podcasting Coverage: Remi and Stefan
• Program Zine: The Word

• Art Show Curator/Coordinators: Ginger Ewing, Liz Strauch
• Gallery Layout Manager: Conrad Bagley
• Young Artists: Mariko Sullivan, Justin Aerni, Marcia Dukes, Ruben Villa, Lydia Quinn, Daniel Ryan, Tim Biggs, many many more!
• Young Photographers: TBA

• Booking Agent: Pat Kendrick - Platform Booking
• DJ: James Pants, etc.
• Bands: TBA

This kind of thing is a frequent occurrence in cities like Portland and Seattle. One I happened to go to myself was Children of the Revolution in PDX. By simply pooling our resources and time we could have a similar thing in Spokane, but with a little more magic. People around here tend to be a lot less jaded with this kind of event, and for many it may well be a first. C’mon, just because we’re in a rain shadow doesn’t mean we have to exist in a culture shadow as well, you know you want it!

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Bloomsday, for those who don’t know, is Spokane’s annual outpouring of humanity where locals and visitors alike flood the streets in a massive, sweaty hoard of walking/jogging feet. It’s like the Society of Creative Anachronism meets marathon meets soccer mom. This year will be my 25th consecutive race and one day I aspire to become the longest running participant of them all.

When I think Bloomsday I think about belly-dancers, storm troopers, energy drinks, thrash metal bands, cute Japanese girls, military squads, overflowing bars, balsam root, hot dog cravings, mass communication, guys in gorilla suits, chewing gum, grandmas, plates of Vaseline, STA buses, starchy T-shirts and this kid, hangin’ out on the sidelines:

Seriously, though, people watching just doesn’t get much better than this!

Some walk it (7.4 miles) in high heels, others wear balloons or put their Cheese Heads on. I myself did a good 5 and 1/2 miles one year including Doomsday Hill three-legged. This year I’m walking with mom (a family tradition) but next year I want to take it to a whole new level.

What if a human knot of about 30 were to attempt to untie themselves over the duration of the course? What if they were all fastened together with those stretchy resistance bands? I can see the Spokesman headline now: “Human Amoeba walks Bloomsday in Bondage”.

Tags:   Shock Value · Spokane Pride1 Comment

Growing up on the North Side I went to Mead - “Spokane’s preppiest high school” (with Ferris coming in a close second). To make a typical story short this environment rubbed me the wrong way so I spent half my time at M.E.A.D. Alternative just across the street.

Alternative schools are often unfairly stigmatized in the larger Spokane community. Upon announcing my departure from Mead I was informed that I was “making a political, social and academic mistake.” Many wrongfully assume that Alternatives are programs of last resort. Negative stereotypes include that students fit the following categories: teen parents, juvenile delinquents, kids with violence/anger issues, substance abusers, or students that are just plain lazy.

Whether this sentiment persists out of a sense of self-congratulatory superiority or plain old ignorance we’ll never know, but I propose a simple solution to significantly shake things up:

What would happen if the entire student body of M.E.A.D. Alternative walked across the street one day to join their mainstream peers in the cafeteria for lunch? This is not as trivial of an act as you might first think. The social divide between these groups can feel like a gaping chasm at times, and there is reason to expect mainstream admins would make excuses to oppose the event if it were ever actually suggested.

The sight of thirty or so misfit young people marching into “the Mall” to mingle with old friends and intentionally make new ones would be quite the spectacle. I predict there’d be a moment of shock as mainstreamers wondered “What is going on here? Who are THEY?” This would quickly dissipate as the alternative students dispersed around the room to say hello.

It would take a lot of guts on behalf of M.E.A.D. kids to assert themselves in this way and I suspect many would not feel comfortable doing so. But what an effective approach it could be! Who wouldn’t want to take a chance on increasing the visibility of Alternative high schools, extending a symbolic “olive branch” and mending a torn social fabric back into a cohesive whole.

Tags:   Breaking Boundaries · Shock ValueNo Comments.

While attempting to get at the heart of what makes Spokane so unique, many point to the conspicuous absence of a major state university. Just try and name a city on the west coast that is as large without one. Each of the surrounding towns schooling us (ha ha) on the ‘perceptive per-capita culture scale’ boast this asset. Missoula, Bellingham, Boise and Eugene spring instantly to mind.

Forecasters seem to argue against the feasibility of a Spokane State University, but what if we reaped some of the benefits by forming an Alumni Society instead? The idea here is to promote the filial economic and social habits of a collegiate alumni society on a city wide scale. Basically, to incorporate the Spokane diaspora. Our mascot could be the Fighting Marmots . . . how cute!

This concept was introduced to me by visionary Christopher M. Kelley. As a godfather of the Phoenix Project, an economic incubator program proposed for the U-District’s Jensen-Byrd building, he’s been known to throw around an excellent idea or two.

Spokane Alumni would stay updated on local developments, and would consult the Office of Alumni Relations (i.e. Economic Development Commission) on potential business opportunities, referrals and talent for the taking. If we’re going to be sending our best and brightest off to the mega cities of the world, we might as well be making good use of them while they’re there!

The Spokane Alumni Society would foster a sense of positive collective identity on behalf of its members. The existing Homecoming Spokane program works with Alumns that are ready to come back for more. Relationships could be established between SAS and the other alumni societies of Whitworth, Gonzaga, WSU/EWU Spokane and the community colleges to pool key demographic data and cross promote.

The Portland Development Commission has already implemented this kind of program and they call it Portland Ambassadors. Let’s rip-off their idea and make it our own!

“When Washington state officials decided, in 1889, to locate Eastern Washington’s big land-grant college in Pullman, Spokane suffered a blow it feels to this day.”

Read more from this article in the archives of The Easterner.

Tags:   Spokane Pride1 Comment